Wrath of Drunkenness
For my entire drinking career, I’ve never been the most sober one at a party. Usually I’m the loudest, stupidest drunk in the entire place. I can name six different restaurants where I have spent a couple hours on the bathroom floor, puking my guts out into the toilet. One of them was Medieval Times in front of several horrified children. Another one was at a bar in Northern California, where I barfed in the toilet until they kicked me out, then crawled through the parking lot blind from my drunkenness, trying to help my friends convince a police officer that I was fine by yelling, "I'm OK! I just needed to... blrbrbbptth." I decided to challenge myself to be sober for an entire night at a bar full of drunken fools and resist the temptation to join them.
It was WrathOfSickness’ birthday and we were going to Circle Bar with a group of mostly guys. I was pretty beat from the past week and wasn’t that excited to go. It was a recipe for an overall shitty night. To make use of my self-imposed soberness I told WrathOfSickness that I would be DD. And this time I would actually do it.
Now the Wrath is normally a soft-spoken, respectful, laid-back kind of guy. He would be the kind of guy you see standing in the back of the bar, chilling by himself. He doesn’t really drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t do anything in excess other than get sick and be dirty. He seems like a good guy to hang out and talk about underground hip-hop with, but probably not someone you would go out partying with.
After reading on Citysearch about how Circle Bar is full of ugly aggressive guys, we knew we would feel right at home. When we got to Circle Bar it was pretty much empty. The guys we went with staked out the table in the back. I bought the Wrath a drink and we stood around talking about mid-twenties life crisis shit. Wrath felt like he should talk to other people, so I went to the front of the bar to get a good view of the waitresses, who were by far the most attractive women in the place. I sat down at the bar with 15 other guys in a row, all stirring their drinks and looking around.
When it started getting packed, the Wrath returned and we continued our existential pontification. We were just killing time until Tiny arrived, knowing he would bring the party flavor with him. Wrath’s other friends bought him a drink. Then another one. Then Tiny arrived and I bought them both a drink. I told the cute waitress to make something really strong, and she obliged. By then, Wrath’s volume elevated from a mute to a full-on yell. I could hear him clearly over the 3 Doors Down that blasted over the bar’s shitty speakers. Then the Wrath made an about-face and revealed his drunken side.
- Screaming at Tiny about the trucker hat bartender guy: “That guy is a douchebag!”
- After talking to two girls: “I’ve never talked to random people before. Who were they? Why the hell was I talking bitches from SDSU?”
- To an Indian guy: “I’ll let you tell me happy birthday, but only because you’re Indian.”
I spent most of the night making sure the Wrath was OK. He had a big grin on his face the whole time as he yelled in everyone’s ear. He spent a good amount of time with his arms wrapped around other people, the life of the party. Later at Del Taco, the Wrath continued his drunken spectacular.
- When asked if we want hot sauce: “I want the one that makes my eyes burn!”
- About the Del Taco worker: “That guy had potential. But now he has three kids and works at Del Taco. It’s not mean, it’s life!”
- To the girl with her man walking in front of our car: “You know what would help is if you walked faster!” Calling after her, “Walk slower, walk faster, you’re still a hoochie!” To us, “That hoochie was in my field of vision for way too long.”
I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t breathe and kept wiping tears out of my eyes. The drunk, mean, screaming Wrath was singlehandedly the best part of my night of soberness. I’m glad he had a good birthday. From here on out, WrathOfSickness’ new name is WrathOfDrunkenness.
It’s too bad I didn’t have a videocamera, or else I’d have some good footage to blackmail him with in the future when he's the CTO of a major health care organization. Happy Birthday, Wrath. Hope to see you drunk again soon.
Circle Bar
2926 Main Street
Santa Monica, CA 90405
(310) 450-0508
Google Maps link