Thirty Day LA

Question: How do you let a girl know that you find her attractive without even saying a single word to her?

Answer: Easy. Just tell her roommate.

And that's exactly what I did with Jem.

While I was out at a cafe, I bumped into my friend, Fiesty. We started talking while her friends waited in line to get some coffee.

Mixtape: Hi Fiesty!
Fiesty: Mixtape! Long time no see!
[I give her a hug while checking out her friends in line. Yes, I am a dirty man. One person I semi-know. The other one catches my attention.]
Fiesty: So...[insert small talk here]
Mixtape: [insert me entertaining the small talk here, while making it not seem like it's small talk but an actual conversation]
Mixtape: So are you just picking up a cup of coffee or are you sticking around for awhile?
Fiesty: No, my roommates and I just picking up a cup of coffee.
[Fiesty turns around to glance at her roommates. Her roommates glance back. My eyes quickly dart to the one that catches my attention.]

A few days later, I chat with Fiesty online and she seems to be having a semi-bad day.

Mixtape: Awww, don't feel so bad Fiesty. It isn't your fault. Let's not talk about this anymore. It's only making you feel worse.
Fiesty: ...yeah...
Mixtape: Ok, let's change topics! So...what else to talk about...Oh! I'm going on a trip this summer! Umm...Have you seen Wicked yet? I
hear it's really good! Uh...So I think your roommate is cute. She single? What else...I started a new job, and I have an office with a view!
Fiesty: Whoa! Which roommate? =)
Mixtape: The one I saw at that cafe. I think you said her name was...Jem?
Fiesty: Oh! She's single...=D
Mixtape: How ideal.
Fiesty: We often go to that cafe.
Mixtape: Ok, well let me know the next time you go and I'll join you. =)

Fiesty calls me later and informs me that she's with Jem at the cafe doing some work. I join them, Fiesty introduces me to Jem, and then we sit. We don't talk. At all. We're just in front of our laptops typing away. However, it's clear that Fiesty and Jem are chatting to each other on IM. Instead of getting curious and trying to get in on their online conversation, I just ignore them. Completely. I think that's a talent I have: I could completely ignore/disregard just about anyone and anything. The night ends with a goodbye, and I walk away without even turning back. Yes, I was playing the "ignore them" card.

Later that week, I bump into Jem at the same cafe and I take a seat with her. Unlike before, she's much more talkative. The conversation was going very well. We talk about everything and everything. Sure, we both went there to study and get some work done, we both enjoyed each other's company, so we weren't gonna let some academic responsibilities get in the way.

Unfortunately, I discovered that the situation is more complicated than I thought. It turns out that Jem is "talking" to a guy, but it's a long distance thing and nothing was really official. Hmmm...

Typically, at this point, I would definitely be deterred. But then I asked myself a few questions:

1. Do I know this guy? No.
2. Would I want to know this guy someday? Based on what she's told me, I honestly could care less.
3. Am I interested in Jem? Not particularly, but I'm an optimistic person...so...sure, why not.
4. Would I want to deal with this drama? No...but then again, when is there ever a complete absence of drama in one form or another?

And with that, I figured I'd do what I'd can to make something of this predicament. I wanted to know how bad a situation would have to be before I could "salvage" something from it. It's something I wouldn't normally do, but this is 30DayLA -- the basis of the experience is doing something outside of your norm. So I decided that I'd go all out. She already knew I thought she was cute (via gossip sessions with Fiesty), so what else did I have to lose? I decided to lay it on thick with the flirtatiousness.

After a few more encounters with Jem (I saw her in the cafe one other time, went to a party she threw, randomly saw her again at a bar, IM conversations, suggestive text messages, etc.), I asked her out to dinner. Unfortunately, not much could be said about dinner. I don't remember much about what we talked about exactly. In the middle of it all, I questioned if I truly was interested in her. Sure, she was cute. It was great that she was easy to talk to. But was there really any substance behind the facade? She did have some shining moments, but in the end I would say no. I went into this whole thing wondering if I could salvage something from this predicament, only to realize that, other than the amusement of flirtatious banter, there was nothing really there.

But that was my answer. I decided to "play the game" until she came across her own answer. We would talk to each other every now and then, and I continued to lay on the flirtation. How far could I push her with the games? What buttons could I push? How could I take things up a notch? The thing about Jem is that she played too. I saw her tactics. In fact, I gave her openings just to see if she would take them. It happened so often that it became the dynamic of our relationship. And then I realized: that was her answer to this predicament. Here she is with some guy who (it seems) is obviously interested in her, yet she is "talking" to some other guy. So how does she handle the situation? Simple. She sucks up the double-dose of attention for all its worth.

And that was that.

I'll admit, the games with Jem were fun. I felt like I had to be on my "A" game whenever she was around. But in the end, I realize that people don't always go on a date for the sake of themselves and another person. Sometimes, people just date for the sake of the date and the fun/misfortune that it entails.

Posted by Mixtape at 5:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Before we embarked on our 30-date journey, the folks of 30DateLA realized that we had to define what a "date" was. Some may think that we were too stringent, while others may think that we were too laxed. However, in order for us to get what we wanted to get out of 30DateLA, we all agreed that the following criteria had to be met:

1. Initiation
Although initiation is open to interpretation, it captures an important aspect of what goes with a date: doing something about it. This could mean asking a girl out plainly, trying to set up a time to "hang out", or it could even mean somehow getting the girl to ask you out on a date (aka reverse-macking). But in all these possible scenarios, one fact remains true: something was done about the possibility.

2. Intent
For a date to be considered a date, the intent of the situation had to be clear. However, this too is open to interpretation. This could mean that the girl knows that you're interested and is on this date because of that interest. It could be that your goal is to let the girl know you're interested throughout the course of the date. Or, it could be that you asked the girl out to figure out what you think of her. Either way, you have a specific intent for putting yourself in this dating situation.

So there you have it. Let the dating begin.

Posted by Mixtape at 5:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So it seems that "busy this next week" has become "busy until the next month". Although it's gotten in the way of me posting on this site, it definitely hasn't stopped me from going on dates.

...Actually, let me amend that last statement. Being busy definitely hasn't stopped me from trying to go on dates. And by "trying", I really mean four rejections, a text message confusion, un-finishing the game, and going on a non-date with a friend...all in a span of about 3 days.

For this first date, instead of focusing on who I was gonna go on a date with, I decided to focus on what I'd do for the actual date. That way, if the date went bad, then I at least did something that I wanted to do in the first place. With that in mind I bought two tickets to a show that I wanted to see. It sounded like a win-win situation to me...but the next sequence of events revealed that there was no situation to even begin with.

Rejection #1: Zia
I had met Zia a few times, but all I knew about her was her name and that she seemed pretty sociable. I bumped into her at a bar, we had a few drinks, and a few successful bouts of flirtatious banter, I got her number. But when I called her to ask her out, it seems she had already been asked by someone else to go to the very same show! No big deal though. After all, I was more psyched about the show itself rather than who I was going to take on this date.

Rejection #2: BSgirl#2
BSgirl#2 is someone I met in school. The first time we met, we talked up a storm. She's smart, witty, and has the cute smile to match. Unfortunately, I'd only see her in passing. So with the show coming up and no number to call, I did what the information age has allowed me to do: I asked her out over e-mail. Yes. Over e-mail. She responded relatively quickly, and seemed very receptive. However, she had already made plans for that night and could not come. No matter. It gave me a reason to ask her out for next time. But who to ask for this time...

Rejection #3: MTA
Time was ticking and I still haven't found a date. MTA calls me out of the blue, saying that she's going to be in the area. I don't know MTA too well, but she's cute and I can hold a conversation with her (and I'm sure she's noticed my flirtatious advances in the past). We meet up for lunch. I ask her out. She has plans and can't make it. This is the third rejection. I start to fear that I've established a lasting trend.

Rejection #4: Sesame Street
With the show just a day away, I start to get desperate. On a whim, I decide to ask Sesame Street. I rarely ever see her, but when we do happen to see each other, she always says how I never call her. So in a moment of desperation, I decide to call her. Same deal as everyone else: she can't make it. As excited as I was about the show, four rejections within a few days is quite discouraging. I decide to give up the "date" aspect of this fiasco and just go with a friend...But Professor X convinced me otherwise.

Text Message Mix-Up
It was the night before the show date and here was Professor X's plan: text message all my girl friends saying that I might have an extra ticket to the show tomorrow, and then go to a bar tonight and try to pick up on some girl to take out to the show instead. If I wasn't successful at the bar, then I would have some friend as a backup. Was it wrong to do this? Arguably yes. Did I feel bad about this plan? Yes. Did I agree to this plan? ...Yes. Apparently, my instantaneously bad karma got the better of me and I fumbled the plan: instead of saying that I *might* have an extra ticket, I text messaged that I *did* have an extra ticket. When I clicked the "send" button, I essentially asked a multitude of girls out all at once. Within seconds, three replied and said yes: Long Island, Prada Bag, and Space Cadet. I was screwed. I needed a drink.

Un-finishing the Game
The guys and I did go to a bar that night. Yes, I did try picking up on a girl. Yes, she was cute. Yes, we talked all night. But just like how I screwed up the text message plan, I also screwed up my chances with Voodoo Doll. However, I'll leave it to Professor X to tell the details of that story. Bottom line: I was dateless.

Non-date With a Friend
I ended up going to the show with Space Cadet. Of all my girl friends, she was the most removed. So the choice was all about drama-aversion. Still, after this entire fiasco, I did have fun. The show was great. Space Cadet is a fun girl to be around. I took a moment to consider if I could actually date Space Cadet: she's smart, fun to talk to, and physically attractive too. But when it comes down to it, people have girl friends for a reason. And though they may possess qualities that you want in a girlfriend, that still doesn't make them girlfriend material.

The Aftermath
They say that when it comes you dating, you just can't care too much. And really, that's what I did. It doesn't bother me that these girls rejected me. It doesn't bother me that I got rejected four times. Rejection is part of the game, and so it's something I gotta accept. In the end, I learned a lot of things about myself. And if I could take something away from the whole experience, then I'm better than where I was before. Maybe the circumstances were wrong. Maybe my timing is wrong. Maybe I myself was wrong. Who knows. But the truth is that these things -- dates, moments of chemistry, possible friendships, possibly something more than a friendship -- they pass you by, and though you may gain something from seizing that moment, you could also gain something of nearly equivalent value by letting it pass you by too.

Until next time...

-- Mixtape

Posted by Mixtape at 10:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dating in LA. Seems like a daunting proposition, especially for a long-timer in the single scene. Notice I said single, not singles. LA is supposed to be full of beautiful women, dating is supposed to be great. Yeah, I counter, but only if you’re rich. You seem to be doing fine with the ladies. Drunkenly chasing after girls that I’ve known for years doesn’t really count. So, what is it that keeps you from dating? I don’t know. I’d like to say it’s because I don’t really try, which isn’t totally true, or that I haven’t met anyone I find interesting, but that’s just an excuse. I don’t know really. Basically, you can look either look at it like I’m a single dude in LA enjoying the carefree life with lotsa good friends and copious amounts of Patron, Jack Daniels, and my closest friend Captain Morgan, or that I have zero game and females find me abrasive and lacking in desirability.

But that’s what 30 Date LA is supposed to change, right?

When the idea of this social experiment came up, I thought it was a great idea for some of my friends to participate in it. But not for me. I no longer have a burning desire to get my ego and sense of self-worth destroyed. Dating in LA, no thanks.

But then, the strangest setup for my first 30 Date LA adventure happened. Less than a month ago, an online acquaintance through Yelp had discovered our blog and messaged me to say she (along with her cousin) would be interested in participating in the project by going on a semi-blind double date with me and one of the other contributors. I wondered if they were going to have their other cousin, BigScaryTattooMan, hide out in the alley and clobber us with a bat to filch our fancy cellphones. Yeah, that would be just as random as a semi-blind double date setup through Yelp. But I figured worse things could happen, so I might as well go for it. Now I needed to find a willing partner in crime for the double date. Irwin, who once declared that he had anti-game, said he was down to try something new.

A few pleasant electronic text messages later and the double date was a go. Lucky Strike in Hollywood. 8PM. Wednesday night. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. This double date was gonna rock. Fuck. My car needed a wash. I needed new shoes and new clothes. My hair was long and scraggly. What if I smell? What if she doesn’t like my face? Shit man, I was totally screwed. My zero game plus Irwin’s anti-game would probably make up for some rollicking good times, like getting punched in the enlarged bladder after an 8 hour nonstop diet of diet cherry Dr. Pepper and World of Warcraft.

So, in order to cover all my bases, I decided to spend as much money as possible to prepare for this semi-blind double date with some random girls I met online. I had not realized what a dork I truly was until that point. A tour of the South Bay through Bay Cities carwash, Nordstrom Rack, David R.’s barbershop, CVS pharmacy, along with a facial reconstruction surgery* later, I was good to go.

On Wednesday night, Irwin and I first went to Café Brasil to have a chill dinner and let the conversation flow before we met up with the girls. The food was absolutely delicious and the setting was quite intimate, too bad we weren’t on the date yet. I sensed that Irwin didn’t have high expectations for the date, so I tried to adjust my own accordingly. On the drive to Lucky Strike, we talked about our future, how we hoped to accomplished our goals through graduate school, and how much things have changed since we first met in college yet they somehow seemed to remain the same.

As far as the date, it was fun. Right when I met the girls, I knew I had no reason to be nervous or self-conscious. They cracked jokes, acted goofy, and declared their approval of Lucky Strike’s overall faux-trendiness. We did get to hear some interesting stories from our dates. Irwin’s date won a dancing competition at a gay bar before, and my date came to America with a coyote. I thought at first she said in a coyote, then she said with a coyote, and then I thought, how the hell does one border cross IN a coyote you goddamn stupid fucking idiot. Meanwhile, both of them completely outbowled me, but Irwin did manage to hold it down for the male pride.

Now bowling is both a good idea and a bad idea for a first date. Good because it’s a relaxing atmosphere and you can turn it into a competition or a buddy-team thing, depending on your disposition. However, it can get a bit jarring. Instead of speed dating it’s like ADHD dating.

“So what do…”
“Your turn!”
“My turn!”

“How did you…”
“Oh yeah time for a strike, I’m gonna catch up to you now!”

So while we didn’t really get a chance to talk to each other that much in depth, we did manage to enjoy each other’s company without any awkwardness. Couldn’t have asked for a smoother first semi-blind online double-date.

Two big surprises of the night:

1. Irwin was on fire. Throwing down the comedy, displaying his smooth charm, and revealing his witty confidence. When my date first threw a strike, he crossed his arms in the air, palms facing outward, and yelled “Strike Clap!” We were all doing that for the rest of the night. Most impressive.
2. The girls are self-proclaimed masters at Tekken. Incredible. Not to show my true nerd roots, but I spent most of my first year in college playing Tekken 3 with my roommate and his friends. I declared that as good at Tekken as they might think they may be, there was no way they could defeat me. With the challenge issued, I thought I had hopefully laid the groundwork to ask for a second date.

So the date ended a short two hours after it started, and we hugged the girls goodbye in the labyrinth-like Hollywood and Highland parking structure. We took the escalator down one more floor to where we parked. I looked at Irwin and said, that was fun. He shrugged, smiled, and said, yeah it was. We walked to the car in silence, not having to say anything else. Maybe dating in LA isn't that bad after all.

* I actually did have jaw surgery recently, but that wasn’t until after the double-date.

Posted by CaptainMelo at 4:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)