Thirty Day LA

Dating is a mentally tasking activity. Even before the date begins, many thoughts race through one’s neurological highway. Some thoughts drive right by, others go back and forth, and a few have a stop-and-go pattern that never really go anywhere. Then, as the date progresses, rush hour traffic increases, tensions run high, and the craziest drivers are let loose on a no-holds-barred demolition derby. My date with BSGirl#2 was no different. I was on wits end playing traffic control all night, but as we approached the end of the evening, it looked like everything was gonna be ok. The roads quieted down, there were no accidents, and everything appeared to be safe…

…that is, until BSGirl#2 unleashed Godzilla and wreaked havoc and destroyed everything in site. One might wonder, “How could such a catastrophe occur?” It’s simple: BSGirl#2 had a boyfriend.

I had attempted to ask BSGirl#2 on a date early in my 30dateLA journey. Since then, I made a few more attempts and was actually on the verge of giving up. So I gave it one last shot and asked her if she wanted to check out my singer-songwriter friend, Hovercraft, perform a set at a local café and she actually agreed to go. I didn’t think much of it at first. After a series of failed attempts with her, I figured that she just felt bad about saying no so many times and she probably didn’t have any particular plans for that evening. But then there were a few things that made me wonder if she actually wanted this to be a date. First of all, she wasn’t living in LA at the time, so she was actually rearranging her schedule so that she could trek over to come to the show. Second, she called to see if I had any plans before the show and suggested that, if I wanted to, we could possibly meet up beforehand and do something. “What the heck,” I thought to myself, “She actually wants to spend MORE time with me?” It was definitely unexpected, but I took these as road signs that told me to pass GO and collect my $200. And to think, this was all BEFORE the date had even begun.

Of all the girls in my 30dateLA journey, BSGirl#2 was the one I knew the least. Other than a few simple facts, I knew nothing about her. I actually knew Assassin from years ago, Kryponite was an established friend, and although I didn’t know much about Jem, we had some mutual friends. BSGirl#2 was different because I really had absolutely no previous connection with her. I was really meeting her for the first time, and there are a lot of things to be learned with “firsts.”

I picked her up at her place after work. I was still dressed in my work garb, but she was simply dressed in a tank top and jeans…and I found it to be pretty darn attractive. First thing I learned that day: I like simple girls. None of this Hollywood-look-at-me-I’m-hot type stuff. The highway in my head was running smoothly.

We headed over to a restaurant along Sawtelle, and thus began the date. The toll bridge of conversation opened up immediately, and the conversation throughout dinner flowed nonstop. When it comes to talking, I don’t have much of a problem, especially in a one-on-one situation. It’s fairly easy for me to keep a conversation going, but having an interesting meaningful conversation is two-way road. It requires a certain degree of honesty and openness from both parties. Dinner with BSGirl#2 was just that. We talked about typical things, detailed it with a bit of playful sarcastic/witty banter, and finished it off with some deep serious notes. The best thing is that it all just flowed naturally. For some other people, conversations run on a flat tire. This was definitely not the case with BSGirl#2. By the middle of dinner, our sentences would begin with phrases like, “I can’t believe I’m telling you this” or “I don’t know why I’m saying this to you,” or “Promise not to tell anyone but,” and other things of that sort. Neither of us were concerned what we thought of each other, but rather, we just allowed ourselves to enjoy each other’s time and company. That’s the second thing I learned that day: dates are much more enjoyable when you realize that you’re not being scrutinized and are already accepted as is. This date was as enjoyable as a mid-day drive down the PCH.

After the usual insisting of me paying for dinner, we headed over to see Hovercraft. Things were going well thus so far, but the one-on-one environment is very different from the group environment, and in this case, that environment was my circle of friends. Reflecting back on it, BSGirl#2 must’ve felt like a Mazda Miata with a caravan of 18-wheelers on both adjacent lanes: if she wavered just one bit in the direction of traffic, she’d be crushed and would never be able to recover. I could tell she was a bit reserved at first, but after a few moments, she opened up and navigated through the crowd with ease. She met some of my friends, chatted a bit, and then we sat and enjoyed the smooth melodies provided by Hovercraft’s musical talent.

The night was going well, and I was questioning whether I should end things while it was still fun, or if I should keep things going. I was sort of at that point when the light turns yellow and you either have to start braking or step down on the pedal and run the light. I decided to accelerate and invited her to join me and a few of my friends for some drinks at a bar in Venice. She surprisingly agreed to go, though she said she had to take care of a few things. So we headed back to her apartment, she gave me the grand tour, and after she took care of a few things, we headed out to Venice.

By now, I’m sure she got the idea that I was having a good time with her. But with how well things were going, I decided to shift gears up a notch and pushed the envelope just a bit more. Nothing blatantly obvious, but just a few things here and there to make sure she didn’t have too many questions by the end of the night. I flirted with her a bit more. I paid a tad bit more attention to her. I adjusted my body language accordingly. I think she noticed…and at times she even reciprocated. The only drawback of the night: I think the food for dinner didn’t sit so well in my stomach and so I felt a bit queasy.

The night was coming to the end, and it was time to head back. The drive back to her home was a bit interesting. She was a bit quiet, and she definitely had something on her mind. I asked her what she was thinking about, and she couldn’t quite put it into words. She would start saying things, but then she’d stop as if she weren’t able to find the right words. But she said all this with a slight smile on her face, so I knew it couldn’t be something bad. From the few phrases she did manage to sputter out, it sounded like she was gonna say something like this: “I’ll admit that I found it a bit awkward that you wanted to hang out with me even though we didn’t even know each other, but to be honest, I never expected to have as much fun as I did tonight.”

Ok, so maybe I’m being optimistic, but here’s the grand finale that sealed the deal. As soon as she got home, she sent me an e-mail thanking me for inviting her out and said how much fun she had that night. She even told me to let her know the next time Hovercraft would be playing so that we could check him out again. Who the heck does that?!?! Who sends a thank you e-mail?!?! Good god, this girl was a dream come true…

…Too good to be true, it turns out. A week or so later, BSGirl#2 tells me that she’s going to the east coast for a month to visit her boyfriend. Godzilla was unleashed.

The last thing I learned from that night: I could never understand dating. Here I was, thinking I was on one of the best dates I’ve ever been on, and it turns out it wasn’t even really a date because she was taken. How much more wrong could my assessment of the situation be?

After this, I decided that I needed to pullover from the dating highway a bit and take a look on a map to see where I’m at and where exactly I’m going. I fear that, even after all this effort, I haven’t really been going anywhere at all…

Posted by Mixtape at 3:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It’s been a year since I started my first 30 Day LA adventure. At the time, I was aimless and lost, meandering about in a city that didn’t feel like home. I had a steady job that I didn’t really want along with a waning interest in my usual nighttime distractions. It all felt rather pointless. So I decided one day that I would attempt to renew my connection to the city by doing something new every day for a month. A short 30 days later, I emerged completely broke. However, instead of being trapped within my notions of how LA is painfully fake and meaningless, I realized there was a wealth of worthwhile discoveries lying before me - restaurants, bars, museums, and people who had once shared a similar disillusionment as I did. The difference was that they had eventually figured out their own niche, small or big, from which to carve their life from. And that’s what I needed to hear - that there was actually a way to navigate through life in LA, but the map was up to me to draw.

But I was still lost. I still had the same unfulfilling job, the same mindset of insecurity. A month, no matter how memorable, can’t cure several years’ worth of missed opportunities. I’m a very restless person, and I knew that taking whatever handouts came my way wasn’t going to satisfy me. I would have to stop settling and catch something more on my own. So I did what one of the people I met on my 30 days told me to do – I took a risk. A few rejections later, I figured it didn’t pay off. No matter, I just had to keep trying. I thought about moving out of LA to either Seattle, Chicago, or New York. I went to visit Chicago and came this close to falling in love with the city, but something held me back. It was this strange feeling that I never thought I would have - I had come to think of LA as home. When I got back from Chicago, I tried to list the pro’s and con’s of each city, but it came down to the irrational idea that I wasn’t ready to leave. This after telling a friend that she should move to Chicago for law school instead of staying in LA just because it’s always been home. Then, a few weeks later, a letter came in the mail. I was in denial for the next two days, not ready to believe that the risk I had taken a few months ago had actually paid off. So the decision had been made for me – I would be staying in LA, at least for the next 3 years. After several failed rounds of applications, I had finally gotten accepted into film school.

I’m pretty sure that 30 Day LA was one of the biggest reasons why I got accepted. At the end of my undistinguishing phone interview with one of the professors on the admissions committee, he asked me about 30 Day LA, which I had written about it in my personal statement. He seemed genuinely interested when I talked about my most outlandish experience (which wasn’t all that outlandish). So while I started this whole experiment to pull myself out of a long mental funk, it ended up helping me distinguish myself from a big pool of talented and equally deserving candidates.

The main thing that had changed between the time I started 30 Day LA and getting accepted into film school was my perspective. I now saw LA as a place to explore as opposed to this giant city in which I was trapped. Once I broke free from that mindset, I understood that if I felt bored or unfulfilled, it was on me, not anyone or anything else.

Now that I know my life is going to change drastically, I’m able to look at everything through a different lens. My boring job was actually like a 3 year vacation that I got to enjoy with a group of crazed alcoholic coworkers. It afforded me the luxury of free time that I could spend on photography or writing. I had carved out a decent life for myself, and I hadn’t even realized it.

As far as the blog – it will continue on. J.Bean is finishing up her 30 Day San Diego adventure. We have a new contributor who just moved to LA taking over the reigns in September. The 30 Date experiment will continue as well, a little slower than originally anticipated, but updates are soon to come. To commemorate my one year anniversary of 30 Day LA, I tried to ride my bike to work everyday. While I didn’t completely accomplish my goal, I did manage to cut my gasoline bill in half this month. All in all, a busy and productive year for both myself and this little website.

Despite everything, I’m still pretty worried – worried about paying for school, meeting new friends, proving myself in the classroom. And that’s not even mentioning the lifetime of struggles and hard work that will follow without any guarantee of success. I recently went home and visited a family friend who’s good with numbers. He calculated that it’s going to cost me at least a half million dollars in lost wages, debt, and investments in order to get my new career going. I scratched my head, plunged into a whirlwind of anxiety. A half million dollars. Not too bad, he said, interrupting my thoughts. It’s a chance to pursue my dream. A few years ago I would have deemed this kind of thinking foolish and reckless. But now, I figure it’s all a matter of perspective.

Recently I celebrated a birthday. Birthdays usually get me in a foul mood because I start reflecting on my past. I had picked a restaurant that I had never been to, a habit that still remains from a year ago. Looking at my friends across the dinner table, I thought about how much things change but also remain the same. My friends still call me angry and bitter. And perhaps I will carry some of that anger and bitterness with me for the rest of my life, but at least now I know that I’ll be able to find reasons not to be. I smiled, something that used to happen so rarely that it would shock people, as we all raised our glasses in unison. A toast to another year gone, and also to new beginnings.

Posted by CaptainMelo at 6:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

is to listen"
- Paul Tillich

August 3, 2007

Dear San Diego,

So the weekend is finally here! I love my job but the thought of enjoying every corner of you is just so much more enticing. With the workweek coming to an end, and the weekend coming, my energy level dipped to a low but with a continuous sense of regeneration for what the weekend may hold.
I started my Friday shopping with Hollywood at Fashion Valley Mall, trying to satiate the need for earrings and a new top. Seeing as I’m going out far more than I have ever, I needed to look decent as well. After a quick hour, I got what I set out for while Hollywood wasn't so lucky. Banana Republic disappointed him…again.
It’s funny what new clothes will do to you…new anything, in any case. Anyway, we made it home after hitting up Target and Coffee Bean and Tea (yay for Jasmine Dragon Tea Lattes) after the mall with enough time to spare to get myself ready for a night of relaxation a.k.a booze. I’m kidding! I’m more interested in just relaxing tonight, just chillin’ and enjoying the slower pace of life that many love about you.

So, along with my friend, Mr. Voisin, and company, we ventured off to Morena Club, off of Morena Blvd, in Point Loma for some drinks, music, and hopefully, something new. Well, San Diego, aren’t you full of surprises?
The crowd was not the typical crowd I was hoping to avoid. It was very “chex”. (A great party mix but very much something to relax with) The crowd fluctuated in size with each song being mixed.
We caught Existence 76, mixing mostly old school stuff… Definitely had people singing along to a lot of pretty good songs. Dj Ocean came up and was quite the surprise. It was announced that we were about to be aurally pleasured by the reggae mixing of Dj Ocean. Of course, most of us had an image of what the dude would look like. Totally rockin the reggae look and everything.
Don’t deny it! Everybody does this. Actually, it’s one of my favorite things to do while people watching…to figure out what people’s names are based on their looks. Everybody has a friend who just looks like a “Wayne” or “Michael” or “Dexter.” When someone yells for someone behind you and says, “Heather!” I’m sure you expect the epitome of So-Cal (a plastic-fantastic-low-carb-tanned-twig) Anyway, if I were to rename myself, I’ve always liked the name “Minerva.” I’m not sure if I look like a Minerva but I sure do feel like it sometimes. In my mind, Minerva is someone who’s a little quirky but not dangerously weird to the point you wouldn’t want to be stuck alone in an elevator with. Minerva also sounds cool. Artistic. Oh yeah! I can’t imagine ever hearing :

Dude 1:”Yeah, it was in my truck the entire time.”
Dude 2: “Oh shit, here comes Minerva”
Dude 1: “Damn, let’s go.”

Yeah, no, that name is way to awesome.
Sorry, back to what I was saying earlier, Dj Ocean was a short, cute chick and she was pretty good but hands down, my favorite dj of the night was Dj Earwax, spinning the odd combinations of songs that just worked. Who knew Hall & Oates and Journey could be mixed into songs with a dope ass beat? I’ll tell you who: Dj Earwax. If he mixed Air Supply in there, I would have popped out 3 kids! (Air Supply: you ARE the soundtrack of my life!) Something about live performances, you’re appreciating it in the moment. Damn sweet.
Needless to say, my musical cravings were satiated that night. With that being said, I was surprised that one beer did me in (to a nice buzz.)
The chill nightlife was what I was looking for. Have to admit, I wasn’t sure at first, but overall, it was a nice one.

Always,
J.Bean

Posted by J.Bean at 3:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

so I even be fantasize
about walking out on a green light
just dying to get hit by a car just
so I could lose my memory,
get transported to some third world country
just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you
so I could fall in love with you in a different language
and see if it still feels the same type love."

-Shihan

August 2, 2007

Dear San Diego,

Okay, I admit it. I had huge ambitions of discovering a whole new you but anyone who said that relationships are easy hasn’t been in a realistic one. The second day of my promise to get to know you and already, I’m tired. I’m not going to lie. I didn’t foresee life getting in the way. The fact that there is 168 hours in a week, 40 of which are at work, 10 of them being on the road traveling to work, who knows how many I actually spend on sleeping, daydreaming, socializing, eating, showering, getting ready…etc. Point being,:

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

That phrase always cracks me up because I imagine an old., crotchety man saying that at the most inappropriate time. HA! Well, other than the fact I love that word…crotchety.

With that said, I have to say that despite existing in a zombie-like state, surprisingly, I had a great time tonight…there was something I’ve always wanted to do but it seems to slip my mind every time. Seeing as my experience going toe-to-toe with spontaneity the day before didn't result in the whirlwind experience I wanted, the second day of my adventure made me determined to make this day an interesting one. And indeed it was.
The first Thursday of the month, the Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego hosts a night of artistic expression in their downtown gallery called TNT. Thursday Night Thing for the month of August featured the art work of L.A. based artist Robert Therrien, as well as various activities that filled the night. http://www.mcasd.org/events/TNT/index.asp

One thing that was definitely different was the crowd. It was the kind of crowd that makes you think, “YOU live in San Diego??” The change in facial scenery was definitely nice, but only a few things bothered me:

1. Dudes with better hair/bangs than me (damn kids and their awesome hair I have yet to obtain)
2. Dudes in skinny jeans (because they make me smile…but not the way you’d think. The term Mamel Toe comes to mind a.k.a man+camel toe and it just makes me look like I’m loving the look)

"Art is like a shipwreck .. it's everyman for himself." - Marcel Ducham

The evening started at 7pm with a lecture on Robert Therrien's work by UCSD Art History professor Norman Bryson in the Berglund Room. While the thought of being lectured for close to an hour about art projected on a screen in a room that had a futuristic, space pod feel to it may not sound like a great start of the evening, it was surprisingly interesting. Bryson spoke on the comparison of the graphic form of art versus of the real 3D world, among other sources of inspiration, such as animation. While I do not intend on writing an essay on the subject matter of the lecture, the exhibit itself was something that was definitely something worth seeing.
It was an exhibit of giant furniture! I'm a lover of giant cups, giant pencils (the kind that are as long as your leg), and other giant object. The comedic factor alone is enough explanation why anyone would like giant anything. Table and Chairs was essentially a set of four chairs and a table, but with a Rugrats feel. The legs of the chairs came shy of six feet. The details of the table as you walk under was amazing. There definitely a certain feeling invoked as you stand within the exhibit when you're standing next to a table meant for giants and Yao Ming. Disney should take a hint and commission Therrien to do something for their Alice in Wonderland portion of the park. In fact, one of those teacups of the ride would be a nice addition to sit on the table. Since no photography was allowed ( and surprising tight security enforced this) I have no pictures to show of the exhibit, which is a definite shame, but there are a few pictures available online which just do not do justice the plain coolness of this exhibit.
Across the way, there was an exhibit that featured the art of Ernesto Neto, a notable artist in the Brazilian contemporary art scene. Walking into this art space, you're greeted by hanging stocking nets from the ceiling. Seriously, imagine the stocking of a giant spider suspended and stretched out from the ceiling with each of the legs hanging at various heights from the floor and each filled with a basket ball sized amount of spices. If you could imagine this, you could've been my date for the night without even leaving the comfort of your own home! The scent of the spices were not overwhelming, in fact the choices of what seemed to be ginger, cinnamon and a few others I couldn't identify, worked in sync and made the exhibit quite the experience.
I have to admit, I had a huge urge to punch these things, seeing that they resembled punching bag and to create an escape cloud worthy of any ninja to yell, “NINJA VANISH,” and disappear, but I also had a much greater fear of being the person covered in cumin, ginger, and a guilty conscience.
There was a room dedicated to musical chairs, just down the hall from the lecture room, which Hollywood and I checked out. Nothing like a blending of the eccentric crowd (the older crowd who were obviously patrons of the museum, the 20ish trendy scene-ster crowd, the sprinkle of emo kids, beach folks, downtown suits, the Harajuku-inspired Asian fashionistas, grungy art folks...) playing musical chairs to the musical styling of the Teeny-Tiny Pit Orchestra. The lecture room was turned into a mini-cartoon theater, featuring Max Fleischer cartoons. So being the cartoon freaks that we are, Hollywood and I managed to sit a bit in this room.
In the main entrance, there was a table that was inspired by Therrien's Fake Beards sculptures. The art-making activity for the night was "Flying Mustachio-on-a-Stick" where folks were encouraged to make fake mustaches ( or puppets, mask, birds depending on how you view your project) from felt and a dowel. I, of course, fashioned a mustache which was an homage to Ned Flanders. And amazingly enough, all this was going on while there was a dj spinning in the main room, and a band playing in the back patio area. Quite the busy night indeed.
The second day was definitely the pace I want to keep the rest of the month..

Sincerely,

J.Beans

Posted by J.Bean at 4:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

if only we could open our encyclopedia brittanicas
and look up love and know,
but love isn't that easy"
- Beau Sia

Dear Readers,

My challenge started on August 1 to find out what "The Finest City" in America has to offer little, ol' me. I hope you enjoy reading my slice-of-life accounts of adventures.

Sincerely,

J.Bean
-------------------
August 1

Dear San Diego,

You are a beautiful city, Whenever I mention you, people have this instant brightness about them which prompts them to go on and on about how great the weather is or how you are a great place to know. There is nothing about the things that are said about you isn’t true, you know that, right?

So, do you want the good news or the bad news first? I don’t know how to put this but here goes. Something’s been on my mind and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you that…well, the honeymoon is over. I’m sorry but whatever that was once there isn’t working for me. You’re full of the same old faces, same old things and truth be told, if you were an island, I’d probably be kicking trees down in an attempt to build a raft to sail away. I don’t think I’m afraid of commitment and I’ve come to know you over the course of, what, about 15 years…and yet, I feel like I’m in a rut, maybe I’m not personally growing, who knows.

It’s not you , it’s me.
I love you but I’m not in love with you.
I think I’ve lost that loving feeling…

Here’s the thing:

I don’t think I can just leave you without giving us another chance.

People say that a house is not a home without a heart… I’m taking this month to really get to know you, and hopefully in finding you, I’ll find that heart, beating with the pulse of what you have to offer, moving me to the point that love will be synonymous with San Diego.

I’ve been told that the way to a person’s heart is through their stomach. So I thought I’d try something new, at least to me. I’ve always heard that Saigon Restaurant is a pretty good Vietnamese restaurant. It just so happens to be my friend’s, Hollywood, birthday. So I ended up going to Saigon with Hollywood, my sister, and a few of her coworkers. As a self-proclaimed Asian food lover, I have to shamefully admit I’m not familiar with Vietnamese food. Saigon has over 300 items on their menu so my decision-making skills were definitely challenged. I ended up going for the safe bet and ordered a number 60-something, a broken rice dish served with grilled pork and an egg. If it sounds good, it’s because it was. Fried lobster and a sautéed catfish dish were two of the dishes shared by the table. Leaving the restaurant, I felt a sense of accomplishment of challenging the everyday thoughts of “I wonder..” or “maybe next time..” and that enormous portion of pork and rice.

My sister has known of my small fear of trying out new Asian restaurant. Case in point, when Hollywood and I first ventured out to our first Korean restaurant together in Fullerton. Hollywood thought it was a buffet but indeed, it was a sit-down restaurant and with all the small dishes of sauces coming on the table, and other side dishes, the unknown was overwhelming and unnerving. Come to think of it, it’s more of my fear of being ignorant (like the classic situation where people drink their finger bowl during a meal instead of using it to clean their fingers…yikes!) Anyway, with that said, going to a new Asian restaurant is a bit of a feat for myself.

San Diego, you have once again surprised me. This first, albeit, small step towards getting to know you had cast off the blinders most jaded folks have come to be accustomed to.

This looks like it’s going to be an interesting month.

Sincerely,

J.Bean

P.S

I know you expected me to end with something like

“Looks like the start of a beautiful friendship,” huh? Well, we’re gonna try to be full of surprises.

Posted by J.Bean at 4:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When a relationship gets old, it’s incredibly frustrating. All your feelings of excitement and happiness are replaced by a dull agony. There are no surprises anymore, nothing to look forward to. You used to have such high hopes. Now it’s become just another part of your daily ritual. But you can’t leave it, you’ve already spent so much effort on it. Against all reason, you hope that somehow your relationship will magically refresh itself. Which inevitably leads to you asking yourself, “Why can’t it be the way it used to be?”

Well, things can’t ever go back to the way they used to be. Things change, and we have to move on. But that doesn’t mean we have to just give up. If the relationship is going to change for the better, it’s up to us, not the other party or by chance. But how do you do it? You get up off your lazy ass, make a plan to fix it, and follow it step-by-step. It’s not easy, obviously, and in the end it still might not work out. But knowing that you are actively doing something about it makes all the difference.

J.Bean has fallen out of love with her hometown of San Diego, California. She feels suffocated. She can’t go anywhere without seeing the same people over and over again. For one of the largest cities in the United States, San Diego feels like such a small town to her. So instead of letting her relationship with SD wither and die, she has decided she is going to try to fall in love with it all over again. Over the month of August, she will take on the 30 Day experiment, which will include activities like speed-dating, midnight kayaking, and performing in a slam poetry competition. If anything, these experiences will help her gain perspective towards her relationship with San Diego. Then she can decide where to go from there.

We have no way of telling what’s best for us. The choices we make and even the things we want might ultimately cause our undoing. It’s difficult to filter out all the noise, whether it’s from other people or our own uncertainties. But we do have a fighting chance to succeed, in love and life, if we choose to take it. In J.Bean’s case, she’s going to take a chance. She’s going to discover, on her own, if San Diego is still the right place for her. If it’s not, at least she’ll have fought for it. But if she finds over the next month that San Diego might hold more adventures for her than she ever thought possible, she might just fall in love all over again. And all we really need is love.

Posted by CaptainMelo at 7:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)