Track 5.5: Dido - Life For Rent
Hello everyone out there in internet land! Mixtape here, comin’ back at ya with a long overdue Act II. I’ll be completely honest...there is absolutely no excuse for my blogging hibernation. Much has happened since the beginning of the 30dateLA journey, but in a lot of ways, I’m back to square one. So with all apologies out of the way, feel free to rewind that dusty cassette tape and reminisce about the previous tracks (introduction, prelude, Track 0, Track 1, Track 2, Track 3, Track 4, Track 5). Then when you’re ready to get back in the mix, head back over here before flipping it to Side B.
The half-way point is crucial. It is the only point where one can quit with dignity. If you stop something before it’s even half way done, then you didn’t give it a fair shot. If you stop something after the half way point, then you’re labeled a quitter. The half-way point is the make-or-break point of any endeavor. Although slightly ashamed about it, I’ve remained at that fulcrum for months for this 30dateLA project. Even more unfortunate is that I may have been there for a great majority of my own life.
Three people. Three months. Ten dates each. That was the original plan of 30dateLA. Since then, those plans have undergone a few transformations. At this point, the completion of the 30dateLA project is undetermined. Still, as one of the original three, I consider my five-date mark as the half-way point to my 30dateLA journey. Though I’m definitely going to see this project through despite the hiatus, 50% of the journey has shown me quite a few things. Some of them may be overall truths. Some may not. I’ll let you believe what you want. But regardless, these things have characterized my journey thus so far. Who knows what’s to come with these next five dates. I may have to accept these discoveries as indisputable principles. I may find that life is best enjoyed if I ignore them. Hopefully, I’ll find a way to challenge them and push things beyond the limits of doubt.
Girls, to a certain degree, are unavailable
Maybe it’s just the girls that I’m attracted to, but I’m beginning to think that girls are never completely “there”. Of the four girls I dated, none of them were completely free and single. Jem was in a complicated, undefined, long-distance relationship. Traces of Assassin seemed to still be tied to her ex-boyfriend. Although Kryptonite was single, I would hardly say she was available as an option (maybe “unfeasible” better describes her). BSGirl#2, who was traveling across the nation to see her boyfriend, was unavailable in every sense of the word. I’m starting to think that finding a girl who is truly single takes impeccable timing and all odds are against you. If she isn’t already taken, she’s probably already talking to someone, or is recently out of a relationship and is dealing with the aftermath, or is simply looking for a guy that isn’t you. Maybe this is the “narrow window of opportunity” that people keep talking about. I feel that my only chance is to catch this window, or to create a window in an inopportune situation. And even then, I too must be “available” to the possibility of it.
I don’t know how to read women
They say that the language of love is universal. However, love comes in different forms: the love shared among friends, the love shared among family, and the love shared between two people with a romantic spark. Unfortunately, the language of dating is in a league of its own and carries its own nonsensical syntax. It is a language that must be learned on its own. Unfortunately for me, my multilingual capabilities suck. This was most evident with BSGirl#2: I thought the date couldn’t have been any more ideal, only to find out that it was disastrous. Furthermore, unlike most languages, the language of dating carries a different dialect for each individual person. Some things are universal, but an even greater amount is not. It seems the only option for me is a language immersion program, but it’s quite harsh when a dialog can’t be carried for any significant period of time, and it’s outright brutal when there is nobody to talk to. What am I to do? To be honest, I really don’t know. I see couples all over the place, and I wonder how it all happened. I am hoping that this whole dating thing is going to be like riding a bike: it just clicks one day without any sort of explanation or reason.
Dating is fun
Despite the series of rejections and the lack of anything coming to fruition, the experience has been fun. There’s so much pressure and moments of stress, but the memory of it all is good. If anything, it makes for some great stories after a night of drunkenness. Who can argue the fun in that?
A date won’t go anywhere if you don’t know what you want from it
Dating takes initiative, and initiative requires direction. For myself, I can’t move in any direction unless I know what I want. In dating and relationships, this becomes the most difficult two-piece jigsaw puzzle ever: piece #1 being what I want, and piece #2 being what she wants. If things work out, these pieces will fit together into something that we want. Unfortunately, I just can’t seem to grasp what women want. Some just want a boyfriend. Some just want to not be lonely. Some just want someone who is supposed to do this or that. Some just want someone to help them get over whoever they were with last. I am never made fully aware of what these wants truly are, but I’ve come to accept the fact that these are probable possibilities and that it shouldn’t bother me. A girl may want to date or may want a relationship for a multitude of reasons. And though these wants may seem a bit selfish, shallow, or untrue, I’m trying to come to grips with the fact that those things don’t really matter if it’s me that she wants. I guess it’s a lot like love. There are many things you may love about a person, but those aren’t the same reasons why you do love someone. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.” Damn, I’m quoting Moulin Rouge.
People talk a lot about dating, love, and relationships. Whenever I would give my fair share of thoughts, I knew that I was talking about something I knew absolutely nothing about. Half-way into the 30dateLA journey, I find that much of those thoughts have remained unchanged. Although a track record of five dates hardly gives me any credibility, my experiences (to a certain degree) only reinforce the pessimistic tribulations of dating. Maybe I knew more about these things than I gave credit to. Maybe the good things are only uncovered after slowly drudging through all the mess. I guess that’s what I’m out to find out.
So there you have it. After months on the pivot point, people may have dismissed my endeavors with the honorable discharge of “quitting with dignity”. But after much reflection, I can’t just let the music stop there. From here on out, I can either see this through or risk the demise of being a quitter. We shall see what destiny holds. So sit back, relax, and prepare yourself for a whole new tune. We just finished the chorus and the second verse is about to begin.