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August 23, 2007

"The first duty of love-

is to listen"
- Paul Tillich


August 3, 2007

Dear San Diego,

So the weekend is finally here! I love my job but the thought of enjoying every corner of you is just so much more enticing. With the workweek coming to an end, and the weekend coming, my energy level dipped to a low but with a continuous sense of regeneration for what the weekend may hold.
I started my Friday shopping with Hollywood at Fashion Valley Mall, trying to satiate the need for earrings and a new top. Seeing as I’m going out far more than I have ever, I needed to look decent as well. After a quick hour, I got what I set out for while Hollywood wasn't so lucky. Banana Republic disappointed him…again.
It’s funny what new clothes will do to you…new anything, in any case. Anyway, we made it home after hitting up Target and Coffee Bean and Tea (yay for Jasmine Dragon Tea Lattes) after the mall with enough time to spare to get myself ready for a night of relaxation a.k.a booze. I’m kidding! I’m more interested in just relaxing tonight, just chillin’ and enjoying the slower pace of life that many love about you.

Continue reading ""The first duty of love-" »

August 13, 2007

" I kind of feel comfortable now...

so I even be fantasize
about walking out on a green light
just dying to get hit by a car just
so I could lose my memory,
get transported to some third world country
just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you
so I could fall in love with you in a different language
and see if it still feels the same type love."

-Shihan

August 2, 2007

Dear San Diego,

Okay, I admit it. I had huge ambitions of discovering a whole new you but anyone who said that relationships are easy hasn’t been in a realistic one. The second day of my promise to get to know you and already, I’m tired. I’m not going to lie. I didn’t foresee life getting in the way. The fact that there is 168 hours in a week, 40 of which are at work, 10 of them being on the road traveling to work, who knows how many I actually spend on sleeping, daydreaming, socializing, eating, showering, getting ready…etc. Point being,:

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

That phrase always cracks me up because I imagine an old., crotchety man saying that at the most inappropriate time. HA! Well, other than the fact I love that word…crotchety.

With that said, I have to say that despite existing in a zombie-like state, surprisingly, I had a great time tonight…there was something I’ve always wanted to do but it seems to slip my mind every time. Seeing as my experience going toe-to-toe with spontaneity the day before didn't result in the whirlwind experience I wanted, the second day of my adventure made me determined to make this day an interesting one. And indeed it was.
The first Thursday of the month, the Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego hosts a night of artistic expression in their downtown gallery called TNT. Thursday Night Thing for the month of August featured the art work of L.A. based artist Robert Therrien, as well as various activities that filled the night. http://www.mcasd.org/events/TNT/index.asp

Continue reading "" I kind of feel comfortable now..." »

"Because we're all looking for the complete definition of love,

if only we could open our encyclopedia brittanicas
and look up love and know,
but love isn't that easy"
- Beau Sia

Dear Readers,

My challenge started on August 1 to find out what "The Finest City" in America has to offer little, ol' me. I hope you enjoy reading my slice-of-life accounts of adventures.

Sincerely,

J.Bean
-------------------
August 1

Dear San Diego,

You are a beautiful city, Whenever I mention you, people have this instant brightness about them which prompts them to go on and on about how great the weather is or how you are a great place to know. There is nothing about the things that are said about you isn’t true, you know that, right?

So, do you want the good news or the bad news first? I don’t know how to put this but here goes. Something’s been on my mind and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you that…well, the honeymoon is over. I’m sorry but whatever that was once there isn’t working for me. You’re full of the same old faces, same old things and truth be told, if you were an island, I’d probably be kicking trees down in an attempt to build a raft to sail away. I don’t think I’m afraid of commitment and I’ve come to know you over the course of, what, about 15 years…and yet, I feel like I’m in a rut, maybe I’m not personally growing, who knows.

It’s not you , it’s me.
I love you but I’m not in love with you.
I think I’ve lost that loving feeling…

Here’s the thing:

I don’t think I can just leave you without giving us another chance.

Continue reading ""Because we're all looking for the complete definition of love," »

August 5, 2007

30 Steps to Falling in Love Again

When a relationship gets old, it’s incredibly frustrating. All your feelings of excitement and happiness are replaced by a dull agony. There are no surprises anymore, nothing to look forward to. You used to have such high hopes. Now it’s become just another part of your daily ritual. But you can’t leave it, you’ve already spent so much effort on it. Against all reason, you hope that somehow your relationship will magically refresh itself. Which inevitably leads to you asking yourself, “Why can’t it be the way it used to be?”

Well, things can’t ever go back to the way they used to be. Things change, and we have to move on. But that doesn’t mean we have to just give up. If the relationship is going to change for the better, it’s up to us, not the other party or by chance. But how do you do it? You get up off your lazy ass, make a plan to fix it, and follow it step-by-step. It’s not easy, obviously, and in the end it still might not work out. But knowing that you are actively doing something about it makes all the difference.

J.Bean has fallen out of love with her hometown of San Diego, California. She feels suffocated. She can’t go anywhere without seeing the same people over and over again. For one of the largest cities in the United States, San Diego feels like such a small town to her. So instead of letting her relationship with SD wither and die, she has decided she is going to try to fall in love with it all over again. Over the month of August, she will take on the 30 Day experiment, which will include activities like speed-dating, midnight kayaking, and performing in a slam poetry competition. If anything, these experiences will help her gain perspective towards her relationship with San Diego. Then she can decide where to go from there.

We have no way of telling what’s best for us. The choices we make and even the things we want might ultimately cause our undoing. It’s difficult to filter out all the noise, whether it’s from other people or our own uncertainties. But we do have a fighting chance to succeed, in love and life, if we choose to take it. In J.Bean’s case, she’s going to take a chance. She’s going to discover, on her own, if San Diego is still the right place for her. If it’s not, at least she’ll have fought for it. But if she finds over the next month that San Diego might hold more adventures for her than she ever thought possible, she might just fall in love all over again. And all we really need is love.