On My Own
I have a great group of friends. At any time of day I can usually find someone to hang out or go somewhere with. I’ve been told by quite a few people how lucky I am to have such a close group of friends who all get along so well and how rare that really is.
But I’ve come to realize that I rely on my friends too much.
Here’s an example: If I ever want to do something, I’ll usually see if anyone’s free and wait for them and go out with them. If no one is around (meaning no one is online), then I’ll end up sitting around doing jack shit.
With 30 Day LA, I’ve come to realize that I don’t really do much on my own. Even though I’d like to think I’m an independent kind of person, I am actually shy, introverted, and scared of doing stuff alone. I watched Little Miss Sunshine with Tiny the other day, and it tried to tackle the true definition of success. The hilariously bitter grandpa, played by Alan Arkin, said that success was having a big idea and trying to achieve it on your own and in your own way, and regardless of how it turned out, you’d already be a success. This point hit home for me, because I don’t know what I’ve ever really done on my own. I’ve been fortunate enough to always have friends and family to support me. But I feel like that taste of true success has eluded me for my entire life.
An external motivation for me in doing this adventure was to explore the city. But I had a more important internal goal of breaking through my mental roadblocks of fear, comfort, and complacency. And that’s something I need to figure out on my own.
So for the rest of my thirty days, I will try to do more things alone. It might be hard at first, but I have a feeling that if I survive the plank walk, the rewards will be much greater. I just need to make the most out of all my outings alone. In a backwards way, I’m hoping that learning to do things alone will help me become more sociable.
LA seems like a very sociable town. Wherever you go, there’s always a group of people doing stuff together. If you see someone alone, chances are they’ll be on a cell phone, socializing. But for a place that offers so many opportunities to hang out, meet people, and make friends, it always feels so lonely. I wonder if it’s just me or if it’s the entire city that’s afraid of being alone.
At the end of this, maybe I’ll learn how to separate being alone from being lonely.