Satan's Guide to getting hookups at restaurants or bars
Discussing the gregarious ways of my coworker/boss Satan in my Six Step Self-Improvement Plan post made me realize that the tactics he uses in restaurants and bars deserve a post of its own.
- find out the server’s name and address them by name
- take your time when you order and order something unique
- talk loudly amongst your friends and take every opportunity to invite the server into the conversation
- make asshole comments like “this is the worst drink ever! I know you can do better than this!” and then follow up with “No, no, it’s actually quite good. I’m always getting a drink from you!”
- before you leave, ask your server/bartender for their work schedule so you can return when they are there
- return to the place at least once a week
- if you return when you know the server is not there, ask for him/her anyway and be dramatically upset that he/she’s not there
- when you return on a day the server is working, walk up to him/her, throw your hands in the air, smile broadly and yell their name like you’re best friends
- after your third time there, say things like “You know you love us!” and “You always know how to hook us up.”
- get hooked up.
Satan used the above method to charm our bartender Teresa into hooking us up for food and drinks forever at a Mexican restaurant/bar in El Segundo. Our typical bill for 10 drinks, including beer, rum and cokes, and stoli tonics runs around $25. We also get 10% off food, and this is all during non-happy hour times. Teresa loves Satan so much that she even has another bartender Johnny hooking us up when she's not there. When it's time for the bill, Johnny will tell the manager to go take care of some other customer, quickly ring up the bill, and throw it on our table before the manager returns. When we all leave, we make sure to tell Johnny how awesome he is.
If anyone tries this technique out, let me know how it works out. And then make sure to invite me to your newfound hooked-up establishment every time you go.